I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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