So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
