If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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