Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize