I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
