Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
