peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
