Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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