My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
