He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
