Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
