When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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