The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
bring money and cleavage
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
