After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
