I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
