Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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