she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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