Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
