best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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