so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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