I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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