please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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