We are two peas in an std pod
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
