i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
