I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
