I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
