My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
