He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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