there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize