Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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