He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize