you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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