I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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