WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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