Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
