i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
