You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
