I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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