everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
FUCK WHALES
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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