So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
