You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
