WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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