I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize