is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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