now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
