New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
