Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it because I queefed?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
