Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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