My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
