people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
