woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
