So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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