o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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