why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
3pm strippers are depressing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
