only if we run a train.
done.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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