Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
