All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
