you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
