he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
