All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
