doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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