i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
